I'm back!

So as some of you may have noticed I have been slacking on the photography thing for a while now due to losing a family member and kind of a rough patch in my pregnancy.
Well now I am back and will be booking spring/summer sessions up until July-- then I will have a little more time off again with the new baby and hopefully booking sessions not too long after that.
So if you are interested in a Spring time session please contact me asap so I can save a date.
Thanks!

Thought I would post a peek at the little guy at only 20 weeks.

Here is a front view of the little guy at 20 weeks with his little mouth open- he was trying to put his fingers in his mouth during the ultrasound.. He couldn't quite figure out how to do it though.

Profile with his hand under his chin at 20 weeks

Taking my own advice

This week I am GOING to get things done-

Make room for the baby in our tiny two bed apartment (he will be sharing a room with the washer and dryer.. how quaint)

Start boxing mom's things up and actually throwing things of her's out.

No more contractions.

These things are on my top to do list right now, how I am going to do any of them I have not a clue.

I have so many things that I need to get done before this baby gets here but these "to do's" are going to be my top priority right now.

So come to find out those nights I have spent miserable, throwing up and in extreme pain have been me having contractions and apparently I started to dialate just a tad..

I am only 5 months along and this baby better stay in there and cook for a few more months.

I know a lot of women have complications during pregnancy, and a lot of those women end up having perfectly healthy babies in the end.. but at the same time a lot of them end up losing theirs- I am not freaking myself out just yet.. just trying to do what I can to prevent it from happening again.

Just take it easy and not do too much or anything that is going to stress this kid out I guess.. it is a lot harder than it sounds- especially when you have not done one thing to get ready for the baby- ugh...

I have decided that I need to take a little of my own advice.

I had someone ask me the other day " Jori, how do you do it?"

"Do what?"

She said "Everyone can be complaining or making a big deal out of something or get mad at something that really shouldn't matter in the first place and you can just sit there and mind your own business"

I kind of just sat there for a second and I just said "I guess I just don't see the point in making a big deal out of things that don't or shouldn't matter at the end of the day"

I have a lot of things that have been stressing me out the past couple of months and a lot of those things are simply out of my control and I just need to let things happen the way they happen... such as my husband getting a new and better job, getting into a home, my mom's death and everything that is going on with her house, not having room for a baby, money issues and the list goes on but I'll stop there.

I have been trying not to go to my mom's grave lately, well at first it was that I stopped going because it hurt too bad and now it is that I am trying NOT to go because I don't think it helps the whole "Me trying not to stress out" thing.

We are going to my mom's tonight to start boxing her things up and doing who knows what with it. 

How do you get rid of your dead mothers belongings? 

They were her's, if she can't have them then no one should. 

I don't want to split anything up.

I don't want anyone else to ever wear anything of her's.

I don't want to throw her things away... not even the junk.

But this is reality... and it has to be done.

Wish me luck.

Help Dr. Yonnet get Elon back.

While I was browsing the news today I ran into a story about a man who truly inspired my mom to keep fighting through her battles.

Last year I took my  mom to the specialty hospital in SLC for some nerve testing to be done.

There we met Dr. Yonnet, a paraplegic who was the kindest and most caring doctor I have ever taken my mom to.

He shared his story with us (which you can read about on the petition)

We also met his dog Elon who just waited patiently and quietly outside of

Dr. Yonnet's exam room for him to finish his work.

My mom wanted to pet the Elon so she bent over and went to pet him and I said  "Mom! you can't pet those kinds of dogs because they will get mad and are for service only" Of course she believed me and got this OH CRAP look in her eye's.

Me and Dr. Yonnet laughed so hard, by then she knew I was joking (poor lady always got teased by us girls)

Anyways, after we left the office she kept talking about how amazing it was that he has been able to keep living life and he was able to pursue his career and goals. She was simply in awe of him.

The whole ride home she was telling me she was going to pull through this next surgery, she was going to get better, she was going to "make" her body heal, she was going to be there for us no matter what, she was not giving up.

My mom's body ended up giving up before her mind did.

She passed away Dec 31st 2010.

When you loose a family member, you start to loose hope. 

Please sign the online petition for Dr. Yonnet- he has lost a family member and we could help make it possible for him to get Elon back.

Thanks!  

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/returnelon/

http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=14234771

 

Mom is gone and a baby boy is on the way.

For years now I had been having horrible nightmares about my mom passing away, they would all play out in different ways. Sometimes we would be doing her make-up and hair in her casket in others my sisters would call me with the horrible news and in some of them she would just end up "gone".
December 31st 2010 my nightmare had came true.
My sister called me, barely able to speak, sobbing and helpless trying to tell me what had happened.
I couldn't quite make out what she was saying but I knew what she was trying to say anyways and for some reason I just kept almost ignoring what she was saying to me, I didn't want to believe it and I didn't want to hear it I guess. Then it hit me and it hit me hard.
I thought I knew pain and heartache but truth is I didn't until that day.
I headed straight over to my mom's house where my step dad, sister and two policemen were in the living room ...and my mom in her bedroom.
Words can not express the feeling of sitting in your mothers home while she is lying there dead in the next room. I wanted so bad to run in and help her, keep her warm, hold her and make her feel safe- I didn't want her to be alone like that, but they had warned us that it wouldn't be good for us girls to see her that way.
So no matter how bad I wanted to go in there, I didn't.
We sat there waiting for the mortuary to come and get her for what seemed like was hours.
I had never felt so many feelings at once... lost, hurt , alone, angry and guilty.
For some strange reason I have always known deep down inside that my mom would not be around to see me have children, I hated to think that way but somehow I just knew she wouldn't be here when that day came and it hurts to say I was right.
I'm not one who believes in life after death, never have and I have no reason to believe it -I really wish I did because I think it would make things a little bit easier.
My mom was always one to tell me she would let me know if she could still see, hear or feel me when she was gone and I have yet to have any sign of her around me.
She is just gone and when your time is over, it is over.
This past month I have been a complete mess and I apologize to those whom I have neglected or ignored in any way, It is hard to even want to get out of bed in the mornings or do anything for that matter.
The more I do the more guilty I feel and the pain just seems to get deeper.
I know that time does not heal all wounds, and I most definitely know that it won't heal this one.
I don't know the exact reason I am writing this in my blog, maybe in hopes of that it will help me heal? Be stronger? Or maybe just to get a little bit of pain off of  my chest one piece at a time.
It has been hard being excited about the little one that is inside of me right now but I am trying so so hard to take care of him and myself no matter what.
I have so much more to say but I figure I would save that for the next depressing blog entry I make ;)
On a happier note... I am now 17 weeks preggo and a few weeks ago (week 14) they did an ultra sound to check out my gal bladder because of some pains I was having and while she was doing that she decided to let me take an early peek at the baby and with in just seconds we saw that it was most definitely a HE (or maybe it was an extra hand down there) Everyone has always asked me if I wanted a boy or a girl and I can honestly say I have not ever cared, as long as the baby is healthy I will be happy. I felt him move, well more like "flutter" for the first time at about 15 weeks, it was a crazy feeling- not strong at all, just a quick little flutter, I can't wait till his kicks and turns get a little stronger.
Pregnancy so far has.. well, for the most part sucked to say the least.
It seems like I have just had problems after problems and of course my moms passing just made everything worse. I have noticed with in the last two weeks the nausea has at least calmed down a bit and I only get sick here and there instead of all damn day, so that's a plus.
So as of right now I am just stuck with constant migraines and mild nausea along with all of the normal preggo pains and what not, but yes- I am STILL trying to enjoy being pregnant while I can and yes I do know that I am very luck to have the opportunity to have a child of my own- I will be forever thankful for that. Well I will be having my 18 week appointment on Monday so maybe I will update everyone on the blog after that.
Please never ignore your mothers phone calls and assume you will be able to call them back a few days later, remember that they themselves need someone to care, hold and listen to them just like they do for us.
Simply let them know you that you love them.

Baby at 14 weeks

Love u mom.